I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
