hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
