I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
