sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
