I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
