I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
