I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
