and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
