yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
