Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
