I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
