spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
