I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
