take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
