I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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