I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
