you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
