I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
