I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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