Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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