Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
should my penis look like a turkey
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
