I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
that is very illegal...i love you.
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