I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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