absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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