You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
