Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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