We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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