You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize