i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
