oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
