I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i believe in u and ur pee
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
