I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
