She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
