Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
