I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize