Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
