i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
