found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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