He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
