woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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