he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
