the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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