love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
