What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
