i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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