the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
