so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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