Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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