this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
