she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
