Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize