# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
