Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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