i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
