how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
