i will never coherently bang her
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
