How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
