the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
