You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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