dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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