I faked an abortion last night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Randomize
