I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
