i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
