No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
