ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
