I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
